Well, I've finally calmed down and listened to several people...my conclusion is that Gabriel isn't trying to destroy my mind or me, he's just handling 13 a lot differently than Nathan did...and I need to quit taking it personally. I know, easier said than done, but I've got a strategy. I'm really clinging to my 'walk away' idea. I simply refuse to fight any more, I tried it (the "Gabe, I'm not going to fight" and just walking away...and it worked. I'm not going to assume that it's a cure-all, I am not that silly, but to have a way out, to not have to but heads or back down, is really liberating.
He's been hurt so deeply by other-mom, I refuse to add to it, and my personality just doesn't allow me to back out of a conflict, so I'm just not letting the fight start. I've also asked him a couple of questions that were hard for him...that he has to answer, but only to himself, not to me. I asked why he gets so mean to (only) me when he's in touch with his mom. I also asked why he can be so awesome to me when his friends are around...I told him he needed to think really hard, get on his knees and find the answer, but he doesn't need to tell me. If he'll find the glitch, and adjust his attitude, peace and harmony will follow.
Not being pious and haughty and trying to blame it all on him, I've been in attitude boot-camp, and have determined that how I react when he lashes out is half the problem...hence the walk away. If I won't take the bait, it gives him the chance to cool down, and hopefully we'll figure out how to get along without any bloodshed at all!
This said, I have hilarity to share...Listening to my ipod, I had one earphone tucked in the front of my shirt so it wouldn't be in my way, and I can still keep track of what's going on around me. I'd forgotten it was there, I felt something move in me shirt, first thought was, "Spider" and I nearly freaked completely out! Before I'd traumatized everyone by tearing off my shirt and removed the offending arachnid, I dropped my ipod, and the earphones and 'spider' fell with it. Thank goodness for the small moments of wonder that make me have a sense of humor about myself...Richard laughed about it too! It's been a good day!
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2 comments:
Sounds like you got some very good advice. And that you gave some very good advice to Gabriel. Good luck to both of you and I hope peace makes a happy entrance into your home. (Hm, that kind of sounds like a fortune cookie, doesn't it?)
Too funny about the "spider" story. I'm sure I would have been doing some awesome looking dance to get the offending creature out of my shirt. :)
One time, when I was a young women's counselor, Jay and the kids had come up to girls camp to join us for the cookout dinner. I was chatting with the bishop when I heard Jay holler a naughty word. I turned around just in time to see him grab his shirt and garment top behind his neck, yank it off and throw it to the ground. Then he looked up at us like he was so startled that he did that. Turns out he thought he had a bee go down the back of his shirt. He tore a hole right through his garment top in his panic. Everytime I folded that one in the laundry it made me laugh. All the bishop said was "it's a good thing it didn't go down his pants..." One of my favorite stories ever!
Walking away and cooling off is never a bad thing. You are being so good to/for that boy. I am proud of you.
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